I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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