I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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