Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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