I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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