What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize