At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
