He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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