Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
did i walk over a car last night?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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