Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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