it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
