she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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