my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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