as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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