If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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