in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
