I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
