There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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