Tell her she can't have a vagina
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
