how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
