Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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