I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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