You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
