so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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