don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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