I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
