I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
