There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
