Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize