Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
