If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
