It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
