im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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