and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
