I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
