I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
