i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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