it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
