I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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