Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
