i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
