my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
