yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
