i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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