dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
