Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mom said you looked used
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
