yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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