That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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