If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
