Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we made out on top of his cat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Vodka?
Forever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize