He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
