Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize