he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
