I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
