Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
