So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize