So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
