My brain says no but my pants say off.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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