i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
