Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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