Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
