i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
