Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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