I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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