my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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