Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
