Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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