Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize