Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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