Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
