well I can't set my house on fire every night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
